Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Ouch
I've had a pretty sharp stabbing pain since Saturday night, which has increased while sitting. For the life of me, I couldn't understand why this was happening. I thought I was making progress and haven't had that type of pain in a long time. Well turns out I got my period Sunday morning. I don't understand why I experience such elevated levels of pain right before I menstruate, especially if the cause is more muscular then hormonal. Will ask this when I go to physical therapy tomorrow.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
A Good Wednesday
I came back from physical therapy smiling today, almost the opposite reaction from last week. Today we hooked me up to the biofeedback machine in order to show me how my pelvic muscles contract. It was very interesting to see. My last experience with the machine was awful- I had to insert an extremely large sensor, but this time I had tiny senors put on externally below my vulva.
At rest, my pelvic muscles were pretty calm, at a steady 2 or 3. They would randomly spasm like I had seen before and jump to 20 or 30 and then back down again. I was told to keep looking at the machine while I went through therapy to get a better feeling of when my pelvic floor contracts.
The external therapy was significantly less painful! My right side was very easy to endure, and my left side was much worse, but still better from the last time. Stacey said I wasn't kicking her as much which was a great sign. When it was time for the internal exam, something interesting happened. Stacey was just putting on new gloves and getting lubricant, and my levels on the computer screen jumped from 3 to off the charts beyond 50! My brain anticipated the pain to be so great, my pelvic muscles contracted before they were even touched. Slowly, I tried to calm down and relax. We did the breathing exercises I went over last post and then she had me push my muscles out which can be best described as trying to let out gas. While doing that, it is much easier and much less painful to insert her finger or my dilator at home. My new homework is to insert Excalibur for ten minutes, remove it by pushing it with my muscles, and then re-inserting it for another ten minutes.
Just by beginning to learn how to relax, I feel like I've already made progress. I know this won't be an easy fix, but I finally feel hopeful again. I can't wait until Winter Break when I can go twice a week. As hard as it is to commute into the city and go through the therapy, I'm being proactive. I can do this.
I'm still sore after therapy, but it's not such a sharp pain. It's not a very significant change, but I'm going to celebrate about any slight change. On another note, Stacey wants me to start seeing a psychologist. She says she recommends this to all her patients to help them go through the process. I've never seen one before, but she's been right about everything so far, so I'm going to do what she tells me. I was wondering if anyone had experience with this and could offer recommendations?
At rest, my pelvic muscles were pretty calm, at a steady 2 or 3. They would randomly spasm like I had seen before and jump to 20 or 30 and then back down again. I was told to keep looking at the machine while I went through therapy to get a better feeling of when my pelvic floor contracts.
The external therapy was significantly less painful! My right side was very easy to endure, and my left side was much worse, but still better from the last time. Stacey said I wasn't kicking her as much which was a great sign. When it was time for the internal exam, something interesting happened. Stacey was just putting on new gloves and getting lubricant, and my levels on the computer screen jumped from 3 to off the charts beyond 50! My brain anticipated the pain to be so great, my pelvic muscles contracted before they were even touched. Slowly, I tried to calm down and relax. We did the breathing exercises I went over last post and then she had me push my muscles out which can be best described as trying to let out gas. While doing that, it is much easier and much less painful to insert her finger or my dilator at home. My new homework is to insert Excalibur for ten minutes, remove it by pushing it with my muscles, and then re-inserting it for another ten minutes.
Just by beginning to learn how to relax, I feel like I've already made progress. I know this won't be an easy fix, but I finally feel hopeful again. I can't wait until Winter Break when I can go twice a week. As hard as it is to commute into the city and go through the therapy, I'm being proactive. I can do this.
I'm still sore after therapy, but it's not such a sharp pain. It's not a very significant change, but I'm going to celebrate about any slight change. On another note, Stacey wants me to start seeing a psychologist. She says she recommends this to all her patients to help them go through the process. I've never seen one before, but she's been right about everything so far, so I'm going to do what she tells me. I was wondering if anyone had experience with this and could offer recommendations?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
New York 2
Despite my lack of a creative title, Wednesday was my second physical therapy session in NYC. A couple things I want to point out (in list form):
-This time I really worked on being less stressed by getting plenty of sleep, listening to good music while I got ready, and giving myself ample time to get to the train station. It was a much better experience and I think relaxing is more effective than some think.
-We did the same therapy, but surprisingly, I was in more pain on my right side this time. Stacey thinks it's because she spent so much time on my left side last visit. So now we're trying to accommodate both sides.
-The worst place for me seems to be the tissue right underneath my leg. I don't have a good medical explanation, but I would describe it as the part of the butt cheek that connects closest to the vagina. That's always the part where I am most sore and where I begin to tear during therapy.
-We spent more time working on breathing. A good exercise is to lie flat on your bed. Take a deep breath in, and then as you exhale, tighten up your pelvic muscles. Release them as you breath in again. This is the opposite of what we normally do, so at first it's like patting your stomach and rubbing your head. But your pelvic floor does naturally release when you inhale, which is pretty interesting.
-I was given exercises to do after this session, which I am going to continue to refer to as my "vagina homework." I now have an extra small dilator that is a weird hybrid between a candlestick and tampon. I have given it two sweet names to try and lighten the situation- Everest and Excalibur. I feel like a human name would be weird; at least I can get in the mindset of overcoming these two inanimate things. I have to use insert Everest once a day and lie on my back for 20-30 minutes. The point is to try and get my muscles to relax because they are tightening up now even before something comes close to touching them. I see it as the same idea as being ticklish. You don't even have to tickle the person for them to squirm.
-The only thing that really makes me bitter is the lubricant I had to buy from the physical therapy office. It's so cleverly called "Slippery Stuff"- bonus points to whatever genius came up with that name. On the very front of the tube, it says "Heightens the pleasure of loving intimacy. Silky, safe, and long-lasting." Then on the back is says, "Slippery Stuff enhances the pleasure of human contact." I have used it three times now and I think I'm going to complain and send it back because I certainly haven't experienced any pleasure with it. It must be a faulty tube.
-I was in a private blues lesson on Thursday and found out my pelvic muscles and frame naturally sink back (most women tend to lean forwards.) This has caused me to by hyper-sensitive in my lower back. There's a couple of yoga positions I can do to work on relaxing my lower back. It seems like dancing can also work as physical therapy. In that case, I'm going to work on calling my insurance company and having them cover private lessons and dance exchanges.
-This time I really worked on being less stressed by getting plenty of sleep, listening to good music while I got ready, and giving myself ample time to get to the train station. It was a much better experience and I think relaxing is more effective than some think.
-We did the same therapy, but surprisingly, I was in more pain on my right side this time. Stacey thinks it's because she spent so much time on my left side last visit. So now we're trying to accommodate both sides.
-The worst place for me seems to be the tissue right underneath my leg. I don't have a good medical explanation, but I would describe it as the part of the butt cheek that connects closest to the vagina. That's always the part where I am most sore and where I begin to tear during therapy.
-We spent more time working on breathing. A good exercise is to lie flat on your bed. Take a deep breath in, and then as you exhale, tighten up your pelvic muscles. Release them as you breath in again. This is the opposite of what we normally do, so at first it's like patting your stomach and rubbing your head. But your pelvic floor does naturally release when you inhale, which is pretty interesting.
-I was given exercises to do after this session, which I am going to continue to refer to as my "vagina homework." I now have an extra small dilator that is a weird hybrid between a candlestick and tampon. I have given it two sweet names to try and lighten the situation- Everest and Excalibur. I feel like a human name would be weird; at least I can get in the mindset of overcoming these two inanimate things. I have to use insert Everest once a day and lie on my back for 20-30 minutes. The point is to try and get my muscles to relax because they are tightening up now even before something comes close to touching them. I see it as the same idea as being ticklish. You don't even have to tickle the person for them to squirm.
-The only thing that really makes me bitter is the lubricant I had to buy from the physical therapy office. It's so cleverly called "Slippery Stuff"- bonus points to whatever genius came up with that name. On the very front of the tube, it says "Heightens the pleasure of loving intimacy. Silky, safe, and long-lasting." Then on the back is says, "Slippery Stuff enhances the pleasure of human contact." I have used it three times now and I think I'm going to complain and send it back because I certainly haven't experienced any pleasure with it. It must be a faulty tube.
-I was in a private blues lesson on Thursday and found out my pelvic muscles and frame naturally sink back (most women tend to lean forwards.) This has caused me to by hyper-sensitive in my lower back. There's a couple of yoga positions I can do to work on relaxing my lower back. It seems like dancing can also work as physical therapy. In that case, I'm going to work on calling my insurance company and having them cover private lessons and dance exchanges.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Physical Therapy in New York
Yesterday was my first physical therapy appointment with Stacey Futterman in NYC. I came out torn between emotions, which always seems to be the case.
My first mistake was creating a stressful day. I was rushing to catch my train, rushing to walk to my appointment, and rushing back to catch an early train. I also had a lot of work due that I was constantly thinking about. After speaking with Stacey, I realize even more the importance of avoiding stress any way I can. It seems that my pain gets worse with stress and creates another obstacle I have to work through. I'm going to try my best from now on to give myself plenty of time to get to the train, get my work done in advance, and give myself time after my appointment to come back and lie down. This is easier said then done when you're an active college student.
I got a good feeling right away from Stacey. I didn't feel bitter towards her like my gynecologist, (probably because I knew she was an expert in the field.) She was friendly, but not overly friendly, open, and most importantly made me feel comfortable. She very obviously knew what she was doing and earned my trust quickly, which is not easy to do.
We had to do an initial evaluation even though I had done one in San Francisco. At this point I'm pretty good at repeating the entire story in under 5 minutes. After that, she left the room and I was told to undress from the waist down. Now, I've been told this many times, and each time I'm always confused with what to do with my shoes. If I had sneakers on, I would take them off and just wear my socks. But I wore cute ruby flats to therapy and didn't want to have my bare feet out. One, I'm sure they would smell pretty bad and two, I felt I could play a trick with them on. Almost like if you glanced me over quickly you'd see my shirt and shoes and just assume I was wearing pants. Don't ask me why I became so self-conscious over my feet. I'm curious to know what Stacey thought when she came back in and saw me lying on the table, wearing my red flats...
She did a therapy session that was very similar to Liz's in San Francisco. We began with working the connective tissue above the vagina and in both my legs. Again, the left side is significantly worse than the right. The difference in pain level is very noticeable- I was having a hard time dealing with the pain on the left, but the right was a little more bearable. I almost miss the days of a ten second steroid injection. Dealing with therapy for an hour is extremely difficult for me. This is why I think it's so important for me to destress as much as possible before I get there.
Stacey ended with an internal exam and internal therapy. This was the worst part, pain-wise. She taught me a breathing exercise and a better way to sit as well, which I will go into more detail next time. She also recommended I go back on the Estrace cream. I had been applying it twice a day, but stopped when I left for Tanzania and haven't gone back on it because I wanted to see what treatments were working. So, I'm going to make an appointment back in Philly to get another presciption. Stacey also recommended getting an MRI of my left hip in the future.
After the hour, I made appointments once a week until my break, when I need to come in twice a week. Stacey said I have a lot of work to do and she would like me in twice a week when I can. She didn't tell me the time frame we're working with because everyone heals differently. Howeer, she did say generally, a year is the most it would take. I'm crossing my fingers.
It's nice to be back in a routine again. I have that same satisfaction that I am actively doing something to get better, which is a great feeling. And I'm very confident that this treatment is going to work. Everytime I notice the significant pain on my left side, I really believe this is a tissue, muscle, and nerve problem. I wish I didn't have to treck to the city once or twice a week, but I'll do whatever it takes. I'm very sore today after the therapy yesterday, and it's a little frustrating to deal with. It's very hard to sit today, so I try to stand as much as possible and leave classes to go to the bathroom whenever I can. It's just a very long and daunting road ahead, but I'm going to push through the pain and work as hard as I can to be pain free by Thanksgiving of next year. I can do it.
My first mistake was creating a stressful day. I was rushing to catch my train, rushing to walk to my appointment, and rushing back to catch an early train. I also had a lot of work due that I was constantly thinking about. After speaking with Stacey, I realize even more the importance of avoiding stress any way I can. It seems that my pain gets worse with stress and creates another obstacle I have to work through. I'm going to try my best from now on to give myself plenty of time to get to the train, get my work done in advance, and give myself time after my appointment to come back and lie down. This is easier said then done when you're an active college student.
I got a good feeling right away from Stacey. I didn't feel bitter towards her like my gynecologist, (probably because I knew she was an expert in the field.) She was friendly, but not overly friendly, open, and most importantly made me feel comfortable. She very obviously knew what she was doing and earned my trust quickly, which is not easy to do.
We had to do an initial evaluation even though I had done one in San Francisco. At this point I'm pretty good at repeating the entire story in under 5 minutes. After that, she left the room and I was told to undress from the waist down. Now, I've been told this many times, and each time I'm always confused with what to do with my shoes. If I had sneakers on, I would take them off and just wear my socks. But I wore cute ruby flats to therapy and didn't want to have my bare feet out. One, I'm sure they would smell pretty bad and two, I felt I could play a trick with them on. Almost like if you glanced me over quickly you'd see my shirt and shoes and just assume I was wearing pants. Don't ask me why I became so self-conscious over my feet. I'm curious to know what Stacey thought when she came back in and saw me lying on the table, wearing my red flats...
She did a therapy session that was very similar to Liz's in San Francisco. We began with working the connective tissue above the vagina and in both my legs. Again, the left side is significantly worse than the right. The difference in pain level is very noticeable- I was having a hard time dealing with the pain on the left, but the right was a little more bearable. I almost miss the days of a ten second steroid injection. Dealing with therapy for an hour is extremely difficult for me. This is why I think it's so important for me to destress as much as possible before I get there.
Stacey ended with an internal exam and internal therapy. This was the worst part, pain-wise. She taught me a breathing exercise and a better way to sit as well, which I will go into more detail next time. She also recommended I go back on the Estrace cream. I had been applying it twice a day, but stopped when I left for Tanzania and haven't gone back on it because I wanted to see what treatments were working. So, I'm going to make an appointment back in Philly to get another presciption. Stacey also recommended getting an MRI of my left hip in the future.
After the hour, I made appointments once a week until my break, when I need to come in twice a week. Stacey said I have a lot of work to do and she would like me in twice a week when I can. She didn't tell me the time frame we're working with because everyone heals differently. Howeer, she did say generally, a year is the most it would take. I'm crossing my fingers.
It's nice to be back in a routine again. I have that same satisfaction that I am actively doing something to get better, which is a great feeling. And I'm very confident that this treatment is going to work. Everytime I notice the significant pain on my left side, I really believe this is a tissue, muscle, and nerve problem. I wish I didn't have to treck to the city once or twice a week, but I'll do whatever it takes. I'm very sore today after the therapy yesterday, and it's a little frustrating to deal with. It's very hard to sit today, so I try to stand as much as possible and leave classes to go to the bathroom whenever I can. It's just a very long and daunting road ahead, but I'm going to push through the pain and work as hard as I can to be pain free by Thanksgiving of next year. I can do it.
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