I hope everyone is having a good holiday. I had a good time with my family and now I'm off to Australia for two weeks and then Chicago for a week. I will try and answer some more emails while I'm gone and perhaps update. Right now I have made an appointment with Dr. Kellogg of the Pelvic and Sexual Health Institute in Philadelphia. Her first available was the beginning of February, so I'm interested to hear what she has to say.
Since the flight is going to be 21 hours today, I brought a lot of Lidocaine patches. I also plan on getting up and moving so I am not sitting too long.
Have a Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Back to Basics
I'm a little too proud of the clever title of today's post. I'm in the middle of finals, but finally have some time to sit down and update. For all those who have emailed me this past week- I promise I will get back to you very shortly. I'm currently in a Border's after my first appointment back to Beyond Basics. Currently searching for a power outlet... why are there never enough? Physical therapy today was very difficult. As much as I take pride in being proactive, there is also something to be said for not having any PT for three weeks. I've been so focused on my tonsils and getting through that surgery, that I forgot about dealing with this problem. That may seem a little crazy, but I'm sure others will agree. It still hurts just as muc, but when I am not going to therapy or specialist appointments, I also don't have to face and constantly re-access my health condition. Obviously that's what we should be trying to do in order to get better, but it is nice to have that burden lifted for even a short while. I almost convince myself I'm living a normal life. But I digress. Today was back to reality, and a pretty harsh reality check at that.
I've noticed these past two weeks that my gluteus muscles in particular have been extremely tight and uncontrollable. By this I mean they are constantly in a locked position and no matter what I do, they are impossible to release. This is what makes sitting so difficult and painful. Today we did a lot of deep connective tissue work, which had me jumping off the table. I am usually pretty good at just breathing and relaxing and handling the pain, but my muscles were fired up. It was very noticeable, and it might have been the tightest I have been in months. Interestingly, my right side was the most painful. Stacey thinks I'm overcompensating again for my left hip. I also have to go back now and get an MRI of my right hip because there might be something be wrong. I'll have to go back, because I thought I did have my right hip looked at, but maybe things have changed. I sure hope not.
Below is a diagram of your glutes just so I can better demonstrate where the pain was radiating from. If you look at the bottom of the red muscles, the pain was strongest on the inside, following that reddish curve upwards. It was a sharp, direct pain, and now that it has been worked on, is pulsing and extremely sensitive.
This is where all the work was done today and it was greatly needed. I felt a little release when I tried sitting again, but the problem is I'm too sore and in pain to notice a difference just yet. I think after tomorrow I should see some improvement. We went over some better ways for me to sit. First of all, if you ever see me cross my legs, yell at me. I always forget since it's such a natural inclination. I should be sitting all the way back in a chair with my stomach released and my legs positioned at 90 degree angles. Even more important, when I am ready to stand, I have to keep my legs straight (and not turn them inwards) and stand up with equal pressure on both sides of my body. These are things I need to try and be more conscious of because I'm sure they will make a difference in the contraction of my muscles. Now that I'm surgery-free, I also need to get back on the elliptical to loosen up my body, as well as resume core work, hip stretches, and dilator exercises. So, it's back to work and back to basics. (Oh circular narratives...)
I've noticed these past two weeks that my gluteus muscles in particular have been extremely tight and uncontrollable. By this I mean they are constantly in a locked position and no matter what I do, they are impossible to release. This is what makes sitting so difficult and painful. Today we did a lot of deep connective tissue work, which had me jumping off the table. I am usually pretty good at just breathing and relaxing and handling the pain, but my muscles were fired up. It was very noticeable, and it might have been the tightest I have been in months. Interestingly, my right side was the most painful. Stacey thinks I'm overcompensating again for my left hip. I also have to go back now and get an MRI of my right hip because there might be something be wrong. I'll have to go back, because I thought I did have my right hip looked at, but maybe things have changed. I sure hope not.
Below is a diagram of your glutes just so I can better demonstrate where the pain was radiating from. If you look at the bottom of the red muscles, the pain was strongest on the inside, following that reddish curve upwards. It was a sharp, direct pain, and now that it has been worked on, is pulsing and extremely sensitive.
This is where all the work was done today and it was greatly needed. I felt a little release when I tried sitting again, but the problem is I'm too sore and in pain to notice a difference just yet. I think after tomorrow I should see some improvement. We went over some better ways for me to sit. First of all, if you ever see me cross my legs, yell at me. I always forget since it's such a natural inclination. I should be sitting all the way back in a chair with my stomach released and my legs positioned at 90 degree angles. Even more important, when I am ready to stand, I have to keep my legs straight (and not turn them inwards) and stand up with equal pressure on both sides of my body. These are things I need to try and be more conscious of because I'm sure they will make a difference in the contraction of my muscles. Now that I'm surgery-free, I also need to get back on the elliptical to loosen up my body, as well as resume core work, hip stretches, and dilator exercises. So, it's back to work and back to basics. (Oh circular narratives...)
Monday, December 7, 2009
Body Image
By age 17, 78% of American girls are unhappy with their bodies.
The average American woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 140 pounds. The average American model is 5’11” tall and weighs 117 pounds.
One out of every four college aged women has an eating disorder.
Love starts with you! Consciously look in the mirror every day and cherish the person staring back at you. Life is too short to obsess over pounds and inches. Get off the scale, but maintain healthy habits. Learn to see your beauty. Love your body!
The average American woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 140 pounds. The average American model is 5’11” tall and weighs 117 pounds.
One out of every four college aged women has an eating disorder.
Love starts with you! Consciously look in the mirror every day and cherish the person staring back at you. Life is too short to obsess over pounds and inches. Get off the scale, but maintain healthy habits. Learn to see your beauty. Love your body!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Emails- Discussion Encouraged!
I have been getting a lot of emails lately, addressing a wide-range of topics. There are some that I'm very eager to talk about and to hear what other thoughts people might have.
First of all, I have had a lot of encouraging emails lately from women offering hope. And I wish I could send those right along to those women who write from a very dark and frightened place. It's difficult to keep in mind that there are many women out there who have gotten completely better with certain treatments. We just don't hear from them as much because now that they're cured, they don't have to search for answers like some of us continue to do.
I've had a lot of women bring up Dr. Goldstein from The Center for Vulvovaginal Disorders in DC. I have heard information about him, but never looked into contacting him about my own case. But it seems that may be a step I want to take now, especially because I am currently without a specialist directing my path. Here is his website in case you would like more information: http://www.cvvd.org/
I already called his office today, but no answer, and still have not heard back from the message I left. I will try again tomorrow. I am curious to see the next appointment he has available for new patients and if he takes my insurance. I think at this point I really need to go back to a doctor and take a more concrete plan of action. Because while I do feel my hip has been involved in this, I also think my problems are multi-fold and need to be addressed on many fronts.
So I will keep you informed as I learn more about that- has anyone else seen Dr. Goldstein? Comments?
Finally, I've also received several emails discussing intimate relationships with loved ones and the pressure and pain that accompany physical contact. While many too often sexualize vulvar vestibulitis and other vulvovaginal disorders, that doesn't mean that there are difficulties with physical intimacy and sexual relations. These still need to be discussed, and I can see through the emails that many wish they could speak out more about this issue. How do you build a relationship when you feel there's a part of yourself that you can't give? I know a lot of us feel guilty, inadequate, not good enough. This is not healthy for any relationship.
I know a few women have even brought up the topic of fluid sexuality- in this case, beginning to be more drawn to women. With a relationship or intimate friendship with a woman, the playing field if a little different- there's much less guilt and feelings of being "broken," or "sick." When intercourse is removed, it's a lot easier to feel relief. And this might be a confusing topic for those who haven't learned about queer theory or sexuality courses. And I want to get more into it later, but wanted to broach the subject tonight because I know it hasn't been talked about and want others to know that if they have ever thought about it- they're not alone.
I also would love to hear anyone's thoughts or advice about anything in this post. Comment annonymously if you do not feel comfortable, but let's hear what you all have to say.
(On a side note, I'm doing much better as far as my tonsils are conscerned. I am almost back to normal after a long two weeks. It's nice to taste solid food again. Starting up physical therapy next week, as well as the gym and dilators at night.)
First of all, I have had a lot of encouraging emails lately from women offering hope. And I wish I could send those right along to those women who write from a very dark and frightened place. It's difficult to keep in mind that there are many women out there who have gotten completely better with certain treatments. We just don't hear from them as much because now that they're cured, they don't have to search for answers like some of us continue to do.
I've had a lot of women bring up Dr. Goldstein from The Center for Vulvovaginal Disorders in DC. I have heard information about him, but never looked into contacting him about my own case. But it seems that may be a step I want to take now, especially because I am currently without a specialist directing my path. Here is his website in case you would like more information: http://www.cvvd.org/
I already called his office today, but no answer, and still have not heard back from the message I left. I will try again tomorrow. I am curious to see the next appointment he has available for new patients and if he takes my insurance. I think at this point I really need to go back to a doctor and take a more concrete plan of action. Because while I do feel my hip has been involved in this, I also think my problems are multi-fold and need to be addressed on many fronts.
So I will keep you informed as I learn more about that- has anyone else seen Dr. Goldstein? Comments?
Finally, I've also received several emails discussing intimate relationships with loved ones and the pressure and pain that accompany physical contact. While many too often sexualize vulvar vestibulitis and other vulvovaginal disorders, that doesn't mean that there are difficulties with physical intimacy and sexual relations. These still need to be discussed, and I can see through the emails that many wish they could speak out more about this issue. How do you build a relationship when you feel there's a part of yourself that you can't give? I know a lot of us feel guilty, inadequate, not good enough. This is not healthy for any relationship.
I know a few women have even brought up the topic of fluid sexuality- in this case, beginning to be more drawn to women. With a relationship or intimate friendship with a woman, the playing field if a little different- there's much less guilt and feelings of being "broken," or "sick." When intercourse is removed, it's a lot easier to feel relief. And this might be a confusing topic for those who haven't learned about queer theory or sexuality courses. And I want to get more into it later, but wanted to broach the subject tonight because I know it hasn't been talked about and want others to know that if they have ever thought about it- they're not alone.
I also would love to hear anyone's thoughts or advice about anything in this post. Comment annonymously if you do not feel comfortable, but let's hear what you all have to say.
(On a side note, I'm doing much better as far as my tonsils are conscerned. I am almost back to normal after a long two weeks. It's nice to taste solid food again. Starting up physical therapy next week, as well as the gym and dilators at night.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)