Another Wednesday and another round of injections... There isn't too much to say. I went in and was told the area was no longer red. This sounds like great news to me but it's a problem that I'm not seeing any significant change in pain level. My doctor said it is still possible to change suddenly, but I also have a feeling they are trying to give me hope and not consider the next 5 weeks to be worthless. But I don't find them worthless- I might as well try the entire treatment in order to rule it out.
Some positives about today were that I didn't bleed at all and wasn't in too much pain afterwards. I was able to drive directly back to school and play two challenge matches (and win.) So tennis doesn't seem to be making it worse, which is why I've delayed making the decision to quit. Since the fall season is so short, I'd rather make the difficult decision closer towards the big, intense spring season.
I got a list of physical therapists again today. I think after the next 5 weeks, I'm going to try that aspect again because I have gotten so much positive feedback from people, especially commenting here. I'm going to try some of the commented recommendations in NY, as well as someone at UPENN who is supposed to be wonderful. This way I'm still taking a proactive role because I feel once I stop any type of treatment I'm going to get even more depressed.
I got a check in the mail today for $10 for doing a psychological survey for a university in Canada about vulvar vestibulitis and its affects on my self-esteem, sexuality, etc. The study got me thinking a little bit about the psychological affects of VVS. At least in my experience now, it seems that among many other things I have already written about, I have become a bit dispassionate. I'm not entirely sure how to explain it. But hopefully some can relate. I feel like I have this giant safety net with vvs because there are certain things that I can't currently do. And since I know when I'm with someone that we can't possibly have sex, I make decisions I wouldn't normally make without the safety net. I guess it's also my way of trying to "stick it to VVS." If it's going to put me through all these horrible things, at least I get to have a little fun. But I don't like how isolated I've become; I'd like to try and make closer bonds with people and stop shutting myself out so much.
Well it's been a long day and unfortunately it's not over yet. Thanks to all those who read. Lala salama.
2 comments:
Your don't understand how strong you are for standing up for what you believe in, sharing your story as painful as it is for you sometimes, and for inspiring hope into so many other people, with VVS or not.
Please don't become dispassionate about anything, especially what you have accomplished so far with VVS and living life as you do! I don't know too many people who aspire to conquer the seven summits!
And also, quit your silly talk about isolation! I don't want to hear that!!! Reach out, cause I know there are so many people in your hand's reach waiting for you. Although they might not understand what you are going through. sharing is an excellent release and listening can be that important as well.
You just give me a call, no matter what time it is and we can just talk, if that's all you need. Never forget a friend.
Thank you for being strong. You are an inspiration to me.
Love,
Kari
Hi, please go straight to the best PTs. That would be Beyond Basics in NYC. If you want to talk to other girls who have been there you can join the yahoo health group happypelvis. PT is hard physically and emotionally. Don't waste your time with anyone who isn't proven. I am happy for you to be going this route as PT is what got me well (along with a few nerve blocks - but I think it was more the PT). If you haven't already, please check out: www.beyondbasicsphysicaltherapy.com
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