First of all, I wanted to start off by saying I do not want my recent decisions to spark a heated debate. It seems like there are two major sides- pro-surgery and pro-physical therapy and everyone seems to think their side works the best. This is one of the main reasons why I have been so frustrated lately. I don't know what side to take. I shouldn't have to take one; it's a medical condition! The patient shouldn't have to make such major decisions- why can't there be a clear cut path for me to follow? I feel like I'm doing so much research myself. Normally I like to be in complete control and in charge of decisions, but not when it comes to my medical health. I want these decisions to be made for me by people who know what they're talking about. I'm not a health expert! I guess I'm tired of trying to pretend to be one.
I decided on Sunday night to cancel my surgery. I decided this for many reasons. I'd like to thank everyone who's been reading this blog and has emailed me or commented me with their experiences and their advice. I read it all and began to have second doubts about having a vestibulectomy in less than two weeks. I'm not against the idea of surgery at all. I think it has worked very effectively for many many people. However, I don't like the idea of getting surgery while I'm still in school. I'm stressed out enough right now and can't afford to miss classes or recover at home for a few weeks. I also don't like the idea of rushing surgery. I think I just got to frustrated that I was ready for a quick fix, anything to make it better. I don't want to have regrets in the future. I'm still going to try every other option before having surgery. But that's my personal preference. I understand for some people, surgery is a great option that they would rather take advantage of right away.
But I'm very interested in the Pelvic Pain Rehab Center in San Francisco, especially Stephanie Prendergast. You can check them out at pelvicpainrehab.com. I have heard wonderful things about Stephanie and her ability to evaluate her patients and look at their entire body. She also has some experience with athletes and muscoskeletal issues they have that might cause VVS.
I guess you can say I'm taking a leap of faith. I'm so grateful to my parents for not only being behind me on this decision, but being proactive. My dad bought the tickets to San Francisco immediately and is sending my mom with me. I am so blessed to have them in my life. I know how expensive it is to fly to San Francisco, and I am overwhelmed that they will do whatever it takes to get me better. I leave next Thursday morning, for an appointment on Friday. Some people might think I'm crazy and don't see the need to fly all the way out there, but I do. I really believe that she can tell me something different or help me get on the right track. I'm hoping she'll set up a great physical therapy program with people she trusts in the New Jersey/New York area.
I know how frustrating it is to not be able to follow a clear medical road to recovery. We all vear off down different paths and take different routes. However, it's important to keep in mind that we are all working towards the same goal. We just want to get better. It doesn't matter how we get there. Different treatments work for different people. I just want to be able to sit through my classes again. I don't want to be in pain anymore. I don't want to think about it anymore.
I don't expect Stephanie to be a miracle worker and fix me with the snap of her fingers. I know I still have a long way to go and it's not going to be easy. But I have a really good feeling about next Friday and I'm excited to go. And it's also nice to have surgery still in the back of my mind as an option. I have nothing to lose by going to San Francisco and everything to gain. So I'm taking the leap and dreaming big.
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