A rough two weeks

These past two weeks have been pretty rough. I've had major problems sitting, and feel a lot of pain in my butt muscles. I've been discovering a lot at physical therapy, so here's some things I've recently learned.

If you look towards the bottom of the image, you'll see a woman's pelvic floor muscles. They are shaped like a bowl and surround several organs. So, the muscles that are causing me pain right around my vagina also wrap around towards my backside. The past two weeks, I've noticed an increase of pain around my butt cheeks, especially where I sit, so we've been doing therapy on those muscles as well. Now, my PT will check my vaginal area, and then have me lie on my stomach and work my butt muscles. Then, she does what she calls "rectal release" where she stretches my muscles internally. It is amazing how tight they are. I still can't release them at all, they are still contracted all the time. I'm hoping once I learn how to let go of them, my pain will improve significantly.

Today's therapy was frustrating because I had retreated a bit. My muscles are still so tight- apparently a penny could bounce off them. I'm also red in the vaginal area and have a discharge. My physical therapist told me to go back to see my specialist in Philly to make sure everything is okay because I might have a yeast infection. Another appointment I have to make.

Commuting to New York is starting to get very difficult. I have to plan so much around it. And I was so frustrated after therapy this morning that I was on the verge of crying in the room. But I don't like people seeing me cry. So I waited until I got home. But right now I'm reading a book called Mountains Beyond Mountains. It's about an American doctor who is devoting his entire life to the people of Haiti to make sure they have proper healthcare. While I was sitting on the bus, reading about these people who have nothing, yet still hold a positive attitude, I couldn't help but change my own attitude. This morning I was so frustrated I was ready to completely break down. But there's no need. There are so many people in the world who are worse off than me, and I need to think about them when I'm upset, instead of those who are better off than me. I'm also lucky enough to have amazing people surrounding me always. They give me strength. If anyone is going through a rough time as well, I've also been listening to this song non-stop. It's beautiful and helps me through.
Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch