This is a song about Tamra

Do not yell at me for not writing my thesis right now- I needed a break from all the insanity and have a lot of information. But first, I've been wanting to share with you a song my wonderful sister wrote for me. Hopefully she's not going to be too concerned I just posted it for the world to see. I am repeatedly blessed by a strong support system, and some days this video is what gets me by. While it was written for me, I hope it at least makes you smile and reminds you about the support systems in your own lives. And who knows, maybe Kayla will start taking requests.

Yesterday was a jam-packed day of doctor appointments. But it was a good day, despite waking up at 6:40 am for PT and not getting back home to my bed til 12:00 am. PT went well- my pelvis was adjusted and put back into place after a really good work out. I was also taught how to start doing internal work myself, which I will start doing every night. All I'm going to be doing is going in with my thumb while lying down and pressing along the inside to check for tightness and pressure points. I'm supposed to keep a constant pressure, but not too hard. This is a good way to check myself after certain activities and see how my muscles are doing.

I was done by 9:30, so I had plenty of time to sit down and write before my injections. I was not looking forward to them (I'm not sure I'm ever going to be looking forward to them?) especially after the last visit. But I have to say, I walk into that office and Dr. Kellogg really makes my day. I love and respect her- and that is saying a lot about someone who sticks me with 4 needles each week. I told her I had a rough week pain and sitting wise, so she examined me. And surprise, surprise, I have two large hematomas on either side of the lower vulva from where she injected last visit. This brings me to important point #1- Please get yourself a hand mirror and check your vagina. Check it every day, just like you do to your face or your stomach or your butt. Check it and make sure things are okay. I felt like an idiot for not even thinking to look. I guess I previously took the mentality that my vagina gets looked at enough during the week and I'd rather give it its space and privacy as much as possible. Not anymore. As soon as I got home, I took out my mirror to try and find the bruising. I felt a little explorer-like. At first, I found nothing and was a little embarrassed at my navigation skills. But finally, I figured out what I was doing, the seas parted, and there they were. Two giant black and blue marks the size of quarters with some blood trapped underneath. I'm still hitting myself for not checking sooner.

After the quick exam, Dr. Kellogg went to go prep the needles. Before she left, she put on some calming music and told me to relax and meditate and she would be right back. So, I sat there looking up at the ceiling at this pretty picture of the ocean, with some nice piano music playing and tried to control my breathing. This brings me to important point #2- I do not want to meditate right before needles are going into my vagina. Sorry, it's not going to happen. I do not want to stare at this pretty picture of the ocean waves and start to smell sea salt and feel the ocean mist envelop me. And sure, maybe that works for some people, but not me. Your painting on the ceiling and calming music is not going to trick me into some calm state of mind. I need adrenaline, competition, a more me vs. the needles attitude. I'm going to bring a cd next time with Eye of the Tiger on it and expect a nurse to come in and head-butt me right before the injections start.

This time they weren't that bad- we're using a much thinner needle and did them at exactly 6:00 on the vulva, where my pain was most severe. The bleeding was minimal, although this just made me remember important point #3- bring a pad or a liner to injection appointments. RIP lucky orange underwear.

As far as future plans go, we are going to continue with injections. If I do not notice results in a few more weeks, then it's time to go a new route. I was given literature on Capsaicin- a cream derived from red chili peppers, that has been used to treat vulvar vestibulitis. Dr. Kellogg is one of the authors of the study, and after first read-through I am very impressed. They are world-renown for using this cream, but are also heavily criticized because it does create a burning sensation on a woman's vagina. But I completely agree with Dr. Kellogg's rebuttal to these people- I already have burning! And pain! So, it really would not be any different from normal life. But, I don't want to talk about this too much more yet because if I do start the 12 week program, it wouldn't happen for another few weeks. But if you're interested, please read the article "Capsaicin for the treatment of vulvar vestibulitis" American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology (2005) 192. 1549-1553. If you have problems finding it, let me know and I will try and get you a copy.

That's all for today. I also added a new song to the playlist- enjoy. And now I must return to my thesis.