[/rant]

I'm really good at being sick. Right now I feel my full-time job is keeping my body together in one piece. No one wants that.

I'm so sick of writing emails to professors and dropping out of commitments last minute. The worst is no one ever gives me a hard time. It feels like everyone just understands that this is my life. I don't like those low expectations. I want responsibility. I want a routine. I want boring days. I want to stop writing and ranting.

I went for a run yesterday afternoon. The same route in my neighborhood I've done for countless weeks now. Let me tell you- I was killing that route too. Down to 8:30 miles for a 2.5 course, with plenty of energy at the end to do an extra mile loop. Killing it. Yesterday I jumped in the pool after my run, as I always do. All of a sudden I could not stop itching my face. Then I felt it change and it started to hurt badly from all the pressure of the swelling. All of my lymph system swelled up and turned bright red. My sister made her first 911 call. Turns out ambulances take forever, so we jumped in the car and raced to the ER. Also turns out when your face is swelling up like a large watermelon, you get seen right away. I got on an IV with a heavy duty cocktail of steroids and benedryl (by one of the hottest nurses ever I might add.) In fact, I was almost high enough from all the medication to start asking him how many patients told him he was beautiful every day.

I got discharged a few hours later, and rushed home to get my psych paper in on time for an online class. I hate the way medication changes you so quickly. The steroids were giving me severe mood swings, the benedryl made me tired and unintelligent. It brought back bad memories of college and being on different medications and having people come over to help me write and type my papers. I thought I'd never have to be that helpless again.

Today I saw my primary doctor and made an appointment with the allergist tomorrow. I'm under strict orders not to go outside. My primary told me I really need to stop having weird things happen to me. I had another small outbreak just from going to the car to get the doctors this morning. My body seems to be on high alert for any allergens, thus the bubble girl status. I did not feel well today so I had to let my professor know I couldn't take my anatomy exam tonight. Tomorrow I have two big tests, and there's no option to stay home. Summer classes, especially science classes are almost impossible to miss.

We now have to stop the laser stim and the iontophoresis treatments at physical therapy until we figure out what's going on. So once again, my main problems get put on the back burner. When the triage nurse at the hospital asked me if I had any preexisting conditions or any surgeries done, I just stared at her with the typical puppy dog eyes. I am so sick of hospitals. I had to tell Mr. Hot RN exactly what vein to put the IV in because the rest tend to move. You're not supposed to know these things when you're 23. I'm supposed to be worrying about moving out of my parents' house and getting into good dpt programs and where I'm going to meet my next boyfriend. At this point, I am only concerned with making it through the day in as little pain and medical drama as possible. I want more.

[/endrant]

PS. I need a hug.

things you should know

- I'm still alive.
- I'm in the middle of the busiest summer of my life, taking classes and getting ready for PT programs.
- I'm currently memorizing all the bones of the body.
- I go to physical therapy twice a week. Started laser stim and iontophoresis for my piriformis. I'm only on my second treatment, but will write more detail if they have an effect.
- I run every day. Far. I lost a lot of weight. I lift every other day. I want to run a half marathon next year. Exercise is my free time away from the stress of class.
- My increased exercise fires up my piriformis muscles even more. Sitting in classes all day is so difficult. But I don't want to talk to my professors about it or my classmates. It was much easier at my undergrad college to make connections and explain myself. Now I'd rather push through.
- Exercise makes me happy. Being strong makes me happy. I'm not going to stop, even if it would reduce my daily pain. Physical pain < mental pain
- I might be getting a PRP (platelet rich plasma) injection in August in the piriformis region. It takes your blood, converts it to plasma, and puts it back into the problem area to help damaged tissues. It's experimental in that region. I have to wait until I am off iontophoresis before I can get it done.
- We still have no idea why my piriformis muscles are so hypersensitive and tight. I think it's by far my underlying problem because it's increased pain levels affect every area around it.
- I'm going back to Dr. Kellogg on Monday to get more injections in the vulvar region, hoping we can at least get that issue back on track.
- The world is full of so many chairs without cushions. I hate hardwood chairs.
- I read each and every one of your emails. I do. I haven't responded for a few months now because it's a little too much to handle. But please remember I'm here, fighting with you.