Now that I'm single, I'm afraid. Most people are going to know that I have VVS right away since I haven't been keeping it a secret. No one likes dealing with problems, so why would they even consider dating someone who has so many? I know I am young and I have all the time in the world. And I know when I'm least expecting it, I will meet someone. I've heard it all. I just feel very lost and alone tonight.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Regret
I have been trying to be strong. I know I am a fighter. But I wonder sometimes if I would be single now if I never had vulvar vestibulitis. I am so angry that he left because he was a wonderful boyfriend and we were right for each other. And I am not the type of person to say that casually. I know it's wrong, but I blame VVS. It put such a strain on me, I became a different person because of it. I was acting differently on the anti-depressants, I haven't been myself lately, it's just not fair. I'm tired of all the breakdowns and crying. I can't focus on any of my work even though I have ample time to do it.
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9 comments:
My heart goes out to you. For brief moments of my life, I could relate to you. On three separate instances, I had a "pilonidal cyst," which is an extremely painful abscess that forms at the base of the tailbone. Like you, I felt I had no control over my body. I could not sit or stand without pain, and lying down often made it worse. The mere touch of cloth or clothing up against it would make me dizzy from the pain. After the most excruciating experience of my life in an emergency room, we decided the best alternative was surgery. While I have yet to have any outbreaks since, it is very possible that they can return. Any time I have the slightest pain in the area, I am overcome with fear.
I pray that you are able to find consistent relief that does not interfere with your lifestyle to a great degree. You have the perfect mindset and attitude towards this situation. Never stop doing what makes you you. You do not deserve this, but you will not be beat by it. Your courage is truly an inspiration to all.
You are as strong as you are beautiful. Remember that you are not alone. You will never be alone with this.
Don't beat yourself up too much over losing your boyfriend, because it is NOT your fault. He should have stuck by you as you went through the most difficult time of your life. If he left, then perhaps he wasn't the right one after all. You need someone who WILL stay by your side as you battle this. Not someone who will walk away just because things got a little rough. You will find someone better. But for now, just concentrate on getting this condition under control so you can do what makes you truly happy. You aren't alone, even though you may feel lonely right now. Keep that head up and stay strong! :)
Tamra dear...you never cease to amaze me.
I love you so much.
I think it is very wise to continue to do what you love and through that find an oasis of peace and order. To recognize That is available despite anything else is invaluable. I'm sure your openess and sharing is helpfull to all. You're a beauty and I'm always here.
a good man would stick by you in your time of need. i mean if he was in pain you would have stuck with him..right!! dont be so hard on yourself, u have no control over what your body is going through right now.
Tamra,
I saw your blog link on your FB and I went "Hey, a blog, lemme go look." And I sat here, and I read it all through, and I cried.
When we were in high school, I looked up to you because you were so smart and such a powerful person. I am so amazed again by your determination and drive. You are such an inspiration, and I want you to know that I think you are so brave in the face of something so trying, and I can only admire you more.
I know someone will look at you and see the same confident, amazing, brave, driven woman I see, and won't be able to stop himself from falling in love with you.
Remember, always, that you are loved.
trust me, with that Facebook picture you'll meet a guy, vvs or not.
Hi Tamra
I saw this link on facebook. Have u been assessed by a specialist for pelvic floor dysfunction? This sounds like all the syptoms you are having, it is completely treatable with pelvic floor psyiotherapy. It took me 5 doctors to be diagnosed as some of them dont know about it. Please look into this as a treatment.
You are already very strong and I hope you know that you have friends around you to support you and give you hugs and tlc when you need them. It isn't easy to be a significant other sometimes and nothing is ever black and white. Each person needs to be honest with themselves and figure out if they can handle the situation or walk away. Sometimes the world seems to be playing against you but a ton of great things are going for you. I know it is hard to keep things in perspective and you are doing a pretty good job, better than most.
Thanks for the dance(s) on Tuesday, even with your jacked up back. Trust me, you are built for Micro! Give me a call whenever.
E
I realize this is very late but I just happened on your blog while doing yet more research on this condition. My husband and I have been married for 7 years and have not had intercourse for probably 5 years while we have been dealing with figuring this out and treatment options. A GOOD man who is the "right guy" knows there is more to a relationship. Not to say it hasn't been stressful but he's understanding. There's someone out there for you...let's hope you hit the cure though and don't have to worry about it. I look forward to catching up with your blogs as it looks like you are going thru the injections my dr. is recommending.
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