Injection Day

Confession: It took me a few weeks to finally call and and make an appointment for trigger point injections. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say I hate them, they never get easier, but they are definitely working, so I keep going back. We now want to start doing them weekly since I am making so much progress (yes!), and then slowly cut back to biweekly, and then monthly. I wrote this poem after my appointment yesterday.

Injection Day

I clutch my sweater tighter around my body,
struggling to find warmth and
shuddering not from the morning chill,
but in fear of what is to come a few blocks ahead.

I have been here many mornings,
but the walk never gets easier.
A man on the corner calls out to me.
Would he stop if he knew?

Passing suits push past,
their shoes pounding on the sidewalk.
They race towards their destination
I delay discovering mine.

Couples line the waiting room
Every hand with a companion.
I take out my book and stare at the pages.
I don't even see the words.

My name is called, and I go into the same room
The paper crinkles as I lie down.
Staring up at the ceiling tiles,
I notice there's still a crack in the third row

The countdown begins
1... my arms are folded against my chest
2... but soon grip the table sides
3... as if each needle was the first.

"I'm okay," I say in a flat, steady tone.
The same mantra every time.
I rush to get dressed and quickly walk back.
Same streets, same sounds, same steps.

When I go to the bathroom later,
I notice the small dark stains.
I forgot again.
Another pair ruined.

I have gone through many pairs, many walks.

It never gets easier, but it needs to be done.
Thankfully the next appointment
is not for another two weeks.