Addressing reactions/Becoming stronger

I have been very busy this week observing PT all day, as well as doing my own PT and getting injections. My inbox has been flooded, and I promise I will do my best to go through it this week. I first want to say how overwhelmed I am from all the positive emails, thanking me for speaking out. Also, I am overwhelmed by the amount of emails of women telling me their stories and asking for advice. I promise, I will respond. That being said, I am not going to respond to dating invitations, complaints, or hate mail. I wanted to make a few things very clear, as well as address some popular questions, so I will even bullet them out. If you want me to address anything else, please just ask the question: open communication is important.

-First, I will not even address the ridiculous and hateful comments that have been made in discussion groups or in other online areas. Please ignore the disrespectful and inappropriate comments and do NOT be shaken by them. This is not general public attitude- it is ignorant people who have nothing better to do than make fun of the suffering of others. Please, please, please do not even read them. The world is filled with supportive people who are on your side and empathize with your problems.-I did not go on the show to showcase my dating or personal life. I do not watch MTV, but was contacted through my blog last spring. I saw the show as a way to tell my story, a way to break taboos, and a way to get the word out to other women (and men) that they are not alone in their suffering.
-I understand the show focused a lot on sex and many women are disappointed. I want to make it clear that the inability to have sex was not my primary concern when being filmed. As you could tell, my pain impacts my daily living- sitting is extremely painful and medications/treatments make it very difficult to live a "normal life." However, everything is edited to fulfill a purpose. MTV only had a limited amount of time to tell a story that most people have not heard about. I am not saying they did a perfect job or I would have done it the same way, but I am thankful to them for putting unheard medical conditions on the map, no matter what the context. My blog views has increased tenfold since the show, and the emails I have received have (for the most part) comforted me that I did make the right decision. So many more women are now seeking help or speaking out about their pain, even if it's just to family members or friends. This is something no one should feel embarrassed about.
-I am also not going to ignore sex completely. If you heard me on the episode, I always said I could not have intercourse at that time. Our society's general definition of sex tends to be very heteronormative and only concerned with penetration. Just because a women has pelvic floor dysfunction or vaginal pain, does NOT mean she is broken or unable to engage in physical relationships.-Finally, yes I am feeling better after the surgery, but I still have a long way to go. If you haven't been following, the labral hip surgery (which was my second) combined with weekly external and internal trigger point injections of traumeel have almost completely rid me of vaginal pain. What is left now is the sitting pain I feel, normally around my piriformis and obturator internus/externus. I am still getting injections and go to manual physical therapy twice a week. I also have a scheduled pelvic floor surgery in April to repair two tears I have near my pubic synthesis.

I am very hopeful for a happy end of the road, but I know there is still a lot of work to be done and battles to be won. There will be setbacks, but the important thing is to fight through them and realize how far you've already come. When I look back just a few months ago, when they filmed the episode, I see how much I have changed and grown. I am stronger, mind and body.

I just read a beautiful post by Erica, the founder of Mind-Body Wellness. It is called "The Gifts of Illness," which you can find here: http://www.elephantjournal.com/2010/12/the-gifts-of-illness/ I want you to read it for yourself, but it talks about how through physical pain and limitations, we find inner peace, patience, and tolerance. My life was so fast-paced before I started getting seriously ill, and this has given me a chance to take a step back and look at my life. I have had time to reflect, to write, to recognize my life purpose, and to understand why this all happened to me to begin with. I have had incredible lessons in compassion and am now able to better empathize with others and understand suffering. This was not a curse, but all part of my journey. It has molded the person I am today and continues to shape me. For those of you just starting on your journeys, remember I have not gotten to this place easily. If you look back on my entries over the years, I have been in some dark times and fearful moments. There are more to come, but I feel more prepared and more willing to accept them as part of the process.