Not Very Talkative

This will have to be a quick update from my couch. This past Thursday I got my tonsils out, so I've been spending most of my time sleeping or lying down.

I was on antibiotics so much pre-surgery, that I did in fact get a yeast infection on Tuesday. I tried to eat as much yogurt and pro-biodics as possible, but it looks like I still can't catch a break. The good news is I diagnosed myself, and just went into the health center on campus to get it confirmed. Luckily I could still get the surgery on Thursday.

So everything is on a hold right now. Obviously no dilator exercises with a yeast infection. No working out after surgery. I'm just catching up on some couch time for two weeks. I've gotten a few emails in the past couple of days, I wanted to let everyone know that I am getting back to you. Just give me a few days to get back into action.

What a week

This week has been... indescribable. A lot of things have been happening. But let's get back to health. I went to physical therapy at the beginning of this week and won't be going for another three weeks. This Thursday I will be getting my tonsils out, so I need to spend some time focusing on that operation.

I am pretty proud of my dilator routine. I usually make excuses, but this whole week I've been doing the exercises at least twice a day. At this point I have made it up to medium plus, which is the largest I have. It still hurts quite a bit upon insertion, but then the stretching exercises don't bother me. It also gets a lot easier each time I insert in one round of exercises. I'm not quite sure why this is, but maybe I am training the nerves to become desensitized.

This hasn't been a great week for sitting. I'm hoping this doesn't correlate to me being able to work out again. All I've been doing is 20 minutes on the elliptical and arm exercises.

I feel like things have been very structured in my last posts, more like lists. So I leave you with a poem I just wrote. I'm learning to appreciate things in life more and doing things that make me happy. Hooray!

arise from your slumber,
you cannot walk your path if you do not wake.

face the darkened silence and shadows,

the moon will show you the way.

free yourself from structures and boundaries,
you cannot climb with this extra weight.

forget what has been and defy what will be.
this single step is all that matters.

fight through doubt and definitions.
let each moment shape your Being.

find yourself and make peace.
the dawn has given you wings.

fly past the sunrise, over your mountain.

your soul has been set on fire.

arise from your slumber,
Wake, so that your adventure can begin.

A Couple Quick Things...

Just a few quick things...

Went to physical therapy this week and it was great- things seemed to be a lot better. I wish I could feel the results, but I'm staying patient. Still working with the dilators as much as I can every day. I'm also working on developing my emotional relationships much more than my physical ones. It has made me feel more fulfilled and doesn't put as much pressure on me.

Also just started to go back to the gym now that I'm off steroids. It felt great, but unfortunately I'll have to stop in a week and a half when I go into surgery.

I've made it to #7 of the Wellsphere Blogger competition. Thank you all for your support. Please keep voting if you haven't already- it's so important that we raise awareness together.

Finally I also am very proud of a recent photo exhibit I did for campus for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You can see the article here: http://www.tcnjmagazine.com/?p=2026&archive=October%202009 as well as view all the photos at the bottom.

Sunrise

"O daylight break, so particles may resound,
so the atmosphere and the heavens will turn,
and so souls, headless and legless, will dance.
Let me whisper into your ear where this all goes on."

This how lucky I am. I had a wonderful friend who knew I was upset and picked me up early this morning. We drove in the darkness to the Delaware River and watched the sun rise. And you know what? It will continue to rise every morning. 

Happy Anniversary

I had physical therapy again today. Apparently things seem to be getting better. But I wish I could feel the results more. Just a little something to keep me going.

It's been exactly a year since I started going to PT in New York. I understand I've been through a lot and come a long way, but I was hoping for better results after a year.

This might have a lot to do with the fact that I'm getting off steroids from my tonsillitis, but just tired and feel very alone tonight. I wish I had answers.

Really?

Things have been difficult recently. Like I said, a few weeks ago I got a bad case of tonsillitis. Well it seems that infection never cleared up because I got it again this past week, along with a very bad sinus infection. This is a big problem since my tonsillectomy is supposed to be November 19th. Because I've been confined to my bed most of the time, I've had to cancel going to New York and doing physical therapy. I have tried to do my dilator exercises at home and have gone up to the medium. While I'm doing my exercises, I also have to stretch out my hips.

I am also supposed to be doing the elliptical for 15 minutes a couple of times a week- I've only been able to go once because I've been sick so much. I can really feel how weak my hip is and need to start exercising, not only for my sanity, but so my health can really start improving.

Just another reminder that the Wellsphere competition is still going on. At one point I was #8, but I've dropped down to #12. Please take the time to vote by clicking on the right hand of this website. Help me bring awareness.